a ten in the bucket

I hear a lot of people talking about their bucket-list.

Well, not being one to be willingly left out of a conversation, I want to talk about it too.

It was one of the things Alex and I first discussed when we started to court last year, “What’s your list?”

I guess you can learn a lot about a person by hearing what they want to do before they die, and I also suppose that he liked whatever it was I said because he answered, “Well, I’d like to do all those things too, with you.”

*awwwwww*

I also feel like I should mention that we have pretty tightly wrapped-up my bucket list, having done most of the things that were on it in the past year. True, I didn’t have anything really crazy like “skydive over the grand canyon”, but it’s still been a wild year of incredible happenings. Skinny dipping totally, absolutely and completely included.

I’ve had to write up a new list.

Here it is.

Babe – you getting this?

 

1) Go to the West. By plane, train or automobile, it doesn’t really matter. I just want to see West.

2) Have a baby. Yup. It’s on the list and now that I have a husband, we might actually be able to make that happen. Wowsers.

3) go to hear a symphony orchestra

4) learn to make pastry

5) whale watching

6) learn archery

7) learn to fly fish

8) write a book

9) try snowboarding

10) create a home-based business that actually works

Ok, so a little odd, slightly lame, I get it – but these are the things I want to do. I actually had a hard time coming up with this list because really, before I got married my secret bucket list was simply to find someone to share every day with, and now that I have that, my list remains just as simple; Live every day, sharing it with my best friend, perfect lover and husband. What better adventure could one ask for?

How about you? What’s on your List?

On hold

This week has been declared a week of rest for the old Blog-O. I’ve been sadly unable to keep posts scheduled and here we are – at the end of the line.

This week looks like it’s going to be pretty tight time-wise, so I’m going to just hit the ‘temporary hibernate’ button up there in the far right-hand corner and do what needs doing.

Fear not though, gentle readers, we will be back soon with more recipe flops and lists of random things to invade your days with.

Until then – take care, enjoy the Autumn and cook yourself something special!

I am,

your faithful (if a little busy) blogger friend,

Andi

homeschool heartache

“OUCH!”

My husband says,

“My face hurts – I feel like I just got slapped with Home-school.”

He loves to tease me about my history as a geeky home-schooler and it gets worse when I talk about knitting sweaters for fictional literary characters, or admit that I had a wicked crush on Jimmy Stewart as a teen and not Brad Pitt, or argue that the Civil War had precious little to do with slavery. His life with me has been one very long slap of home-school. What can I say – I’m his first home-school experience, I want him to get his money’s worth.

I have little home-school moments when I feel like no one understands me and I revert to a Jane Eyre-esque state of stoic hysteria.

 

“Do you think that because I was home-schooled I have no heart? No sense of fashion? A slanted education? No interest in the world around me? No understanding of popular culture? No dreams, no needs, no desires?”

 

 

Then sometimes, it’s more like this:

 

I am a Home-schooler. Hath not a home-schooler eyes? Hath not a home-schooler hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases,
heal’d by the same means, warm’d and cool’d by the same winter
and summer, as a public schooler is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If
you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die?

 

I’m talking sackcloth and ashes home-school heartbreak.

Then I get over it and move on to the next sweater, the next fond memory of my dead-man crushes, the next argument about states’ rights and how I think pot should be legalized.

Ok, that last gem was more of a Hippie thing than a Home-school thing.

Just sayin’.

 

Ten Things on Tuesday

10 Things

That Make My Husband Smile

*as suggested by Correna*

 

1) Being tickled (he’s rather ticklish, but denies it vehemently)

2) Dinner time!

3) Kisses

4) Dancing

5) Getting home from work

6) When I make faces at him across the table, or…

7) When I try to look angry when I’m not really

8) The antics of little kids

9) Having his truck all clean

10) Watching YouTube videos of baby animals. Yup. We totally do this for entertainment on our mornings off. Our favorites involve baby goats or Harry, the infant pygmy hippo. So Cute.

So, after you go and watch the adorable hippo Harry, come back and tell me what makes your true love smile – -

10 things I do

I think that we, the people, should write a song about Tuesday… any ideas?

 

10 Stupid Things I Do

 

1) Stand up too quick, even though I know what happens there after – I usually temporarily pass out due to my low blood pressure. It isn’t life-threatening or dangerous, just stupid and annoying and I do it All The Time.

2) Count the telephone poles as we drive past them. Yup. I also count to the beat of the windshield wipers if it’s raining. No, that’s not weird at all.

3) Use the purple potholder – even though I know it has little holes in it and I WILL burn my hand. Do I remove it from the pile? Nope. Just keep using it -

just keep on using it.

4) Hit the little HOME button on the bottom of my iPod when I mean to hit the BACK button and I accidentally exit from whatever it was I was doing. Annoying.

5) Mix up dates. Always. Just last week I found myself sitting outside next to the road with my overnight bag, waiting for 50 minutes for the ride that wasn’t going to come because the wedding was NEXT week. NEXT week. Take your bags and go back inside, Ann. Now. Just go.

6) Take that first sip of boiling hot coffee from those stupid take-out cup covers that funnel the burning liquid onto your lips. Ouch. It hurts every time, for a long time.

7) Overestimate the time it takes for me to ride my bike to work. On a bike, it takes exactly 1 minute to get to my work. 1 minute. 60 seconds. Then why do I usually leave a good 20 minutes early? In case I hit traffic on the sidewalk going down? In case I develop a cramp and have to walk the last 10 feet? It makes no sense.

8) Go to bed late. Get up early. Drink coffee. Don’t nap. Just keep going.

9) Obsess about my weight. It’s a dumb thing, and I do it all too often, like – almost every time I eat or get dressed in the morning. I need to just get over it, right? It’s that evil comfort zone in my mind whenever I’m stressing or upset about anything else, I take it out on my weight. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

10) After 9 Stupid things, aren’t you ready for something a little less demoralizing?

What’s something Not Stupid that I do?

I write this blog for a bunch of pretty cool people that have come from all corners of the Internet Void and decided to share a bit of translucent, web-like life with one such as I, even though I do Dumb things.

It’s your turn.

Ever done anything Dumb?

eavesdropping on one man’s objections

You making supper?”

“Oh yeah, as I’m talking…”

“Whatcha fixing?”

“Um, we’re having curried veggies with rice and lentils.”

“And…”

“And… watermelon…”

“And…”

“And what!? That’s it.”

“That’s all you’re making for your man to eat?”

“Yeah -”

“Where’s the sustenance? Where’s the MEAT? That’s ALL you’re making?”

“Now Tom…”

“No, no, no – what about a big steak?”

“Um… no? Tom, he doesn’t eat like people do back home. He’s Greek. He’s healthy.”

“Healthy! Meat- that’s healthy! Potatoes, ribs, corn on the cob- fix him up some good food for god’s sake! I’m your Uncle Tom, I know.”

“I AM.”

“Rice and beans? Really? That’s all? I don’t like it.”

“Well I’m cooking to please my man, not you, aren’t I?!”

“Yeah, but you have to feed him right.”

“Listen here, what are you making for your supper?”

“Tacos, my lady is coming over later for tacos. “

“Oh – and that’s right hearty I suppose! Where’s the sustenance in *that*?”

“There’s beef. And corn.”

“And corn’s just about the healthiest thing there is….”

“It is – why do you think we grow so much of it?!”

“You’re impossible.”

“And you’re stubborn.”

“Point made.”

“Your husband up yet?”

“He’s up now, what with all this yelling at you I’ve been doing… there isn’t a person on earth can rile me up faster than you, you know that, right?”

“Is your food ready?”

“And on the table…”

“Well go eat it then. I love ya. Keep praying for rain.”

“Love you too, Thomas J. I will.”

Let’s all pray for rain. My home county is drying up and getting ready to blow away. They haven’t had a good rain in a couple of months and the land, as well as the people, are suffering from it. Tom said he was doing his rain dance, but didn’t think he had the right shoes on or something because it just isn’t working…

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“…you take that picture, sweetheart, before I let someone have it…”
Uncle Tom

Someday, Davies

Meet Davies.

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Davies is a little mallard duckling I found frantically running around in our driveway yesterday on my way to work. I have no idea where he came from, but there he was – in the middle of the day, almost in the middle of downtown, all by his lonesome.

With the help of Lady Shopkeeper from downstairs, I captured him and put him in a box with a tiny bowl of water and carried him to work  where he sat in his bowl of water and glared at me – the entire time.

I’ve raised ducklings before on our little Ohio farm, and they are usually sweet, docile sort of creatures, but I’ve never dealt with a wild baby duck – he was pretty fierce for being tiny enough to not quite fill a teacup. Anytime I came near his box to check on him he would charge right out into the open and stand there, demanding to be let loose. I’ve never had something so small and fragile be so bold. I swear he was looking me right in the eye… Then he would rear up and spread his unfeathered wings and open his mouth in a silent hiss, defying me to make darling baby noises.

He was ticked off.

If he weren’t so stinking cute, I probably would have been quite terrified.

I called Alex, who was on duty, so that he could come and see our new charge. The little guy was too small to let go of, so I thought we could just raise him for a couple of weeks and then send him to go live on our friend’s farm. Until then, he could just live in the bathtub, right?

Right.

“Where is it?” My husband asked, and I led him to the back room where Davies was passionately plotting his escape. Alex immediately started making darling baby noises, and duckling made threatening, “I’ll kill you if you touch me…” faces and I just sat there and melted.

“Why is he doing that?” Alex asked.

“I’m not sure, he either hates our guts… or thinks we’re his parents and wants us to feed him… he must be a teenager.”  We chuckled, and I melted some more. Thinking about having a baby *thing* in our tub was quite delightful, I was busily planning how to take him on vacation with us next week.

How would he be in the car?  Would he ever get used to us? Would it ruin him to raise him for even a few weeks? Would he be able to make it on his own out in the world when he was older?

I so badly wanted him to feel safer than I knew he was feeling, but you can’t explain such things to duckling…

“Ok, I gotta go… what’s its name?”

“I don’t know yet-  we can keep him?! I can get duckling food at the feed store, and he needs duck vitamins, too!”  Alex laughed and said he loved me and then left.

The day wore on and Davies emptied his little bowl of water in protest and stared me down until he literally fell over in exhaustion. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how unhappy he was going to be in a little city apartment, even with all the love and duck vitamins he was going to be showered with.  So I, very reluctantly, called up a friend who has a farm and asked them if they were better equipped to deal with a wild, spirited little duckling.

They were. They had a little home and duck food and vitamins and a wildlife vet and a pond all ready. Beats a cardboard box and cornmeal any old day! I felt so inadequate.

After work, I bundled Davies up in his box and drove out the friend’s farm and let them have him.

Then I went home and cried like a silly girl over that silly duckling.

Sometimes it’s hard to wait for what you want so badly.

Alex and I have all these grand ‘someday’ plans about a home of our own, and a farm and babies… sometimes we get a little teaser like this and it’s hard to let it go and remember we’re still in waiting mode.

Someday I would like to have a place where all the lost little ducklings we encounter can come and be safe and find a home. A place that’s sprawling and nurturing and full of life and places to hide away when you’re feeling wild and fierce, places to explore when you’re feeling bold and places to be comforted if you need a mother.

I’d like to be the mother of such a place, someday.

can I recycle this?

I just got home from work where I spend my time passionately straightening clothing on hangers, telling women that that skirt does *not* make them look fat and drinking copious amounts of bottled water.

It’s my bottle, I refill it from the faucet in the bathroom and feel deliciously good about my recycling habit. I’ve had the same water bottle now for two weeks.

Uh-huh.

My husband teases me about my love of recycling, insisting that half the things I carefully wash and sort end up in the landfill anyway because they can’t, in reality, be recycled.

“Who recycles receipts?”

His father snorted along with him as they jointly taunted my obsession with saving the world, one tin can at a time.

“I don’t think you can recycle those….”

Yes, you can. They’re shiny paper, which goes in the same big metal container as the old magazines and boxboard.

“Boxboard? What is that even… I don’t think that’s a real thing, love.”

Yes, it is. But only those people utterly devoted to the cause of recycling would know that, thank you very much! Boxboard, shiny paper, junk mail, magazines – they all go together at The Center.

“I think they laugh when they see all your tiny scraps of receipts and things that can’t be recycled… ‘who is this person every week who junks up the works with all this trash – they’re nuts!’…

They don’t laugh. They look at me with serious, appreciative eyes that understand what I am trying to do, how I am being a conscious consumer…

“You know what babe, we’ve gone through a lot less paper towel since you yelled at me about using it for everything…”

My beloved new husband, who, to my abject horror, used paper towel to dry the dishes. Lots of paper towel. My childhood was spent longing for the luxury of paper towels, when we really could barely afford toilet paper. It hurt me in a deep place to see them used carelessly and then thrown away like – - – trash. Before I could pause and regain my ‘good wife’ face, I cried out in shock and pain, “What are you DOING?!?”  He was drying the dishes… he looked scared and guilty, but didn’t have a clue why.

“You know dad,” he said, “we’ve become so good with paper towels, like, we maybe go through one roll a month. One….”

“Your brother researched it and found that it takes more energy to wash and dry cloth towels than it does to make paper ones. You’re not saving anything. Ann, you need to let your past go… you have paper towels now. Use them.”

My father-in-law,  the voice of uncomfortable reason.

“Can I at least recycle them after they’re used?”  Me – grasping at straws. My entire past, my world, my plan to save the earth for my children – all slipping away from me…

His look said it all, and we changed the subject.

 

So there. the story of a good day

Bad bad bad bad bad Day.

Can’t get out of my way.

Can’t say the right thing.

Can’t do the right thing.

I might just throw rotten eggs at the mirror.

Don’t you just hate those days when it’s like,

“Ok – CAN I JUST TAKE MY ICE CREAM AND GO HOME NOW?”

Written out in capital letters all over your forehead?

And people ask you and you laugh and say,

“No, it’s ok. REALLY.”

I guess. Through gritted teeth.

I’m not sure why the sun disagrees with me so much

but it does and it works because today -

I am against it.

So there.

And I trod home and curse up every stair and then repent as the key turns in the lock

and I’m safe

And he hugs me and tells me that I don’t have to save the world after all.

And we eat pancakes with butter and syrup and I turn off that

god-awful calorie counting ‘pal’ I am so addicted to

and he eats the chocolate chunks out of my ice cream.

And I realize I can’t be everything to every one and fix everything and be superman

all at once

and suddenly, I feel as though it’s been sort of a good day all the same.

i’m sorry, is my creepiness showing?

I hate it when that happens, but, inspired by my lovely blog-neighbor Castle of Blue (you can read her sweet post HERE) I thought I would make a list of the 11 creepiest things about me.

Because that’s how I roll.

Are you ready?

11. I’m not afraid of being creepy – which, isn’t that creepy in itself?

10. I name everything. Everything. It creeps people out.

9. When I was in fourth grade, I convinced the group of ‘cool guys’ in my class that I was actually a vampire and that my fruit punch was really blood… enough said. All the other girls in class were batting eyes at them and trying to get dates. Creepy.

8. I love Tim Burton, and he’s Super Creepy.

7. Sometimes, when I eat things that have little pieces like rice or ground beef, it goes up my nose from my throat and I have to do creepy things to get them out. I don’t know how it happens – but it does, you can ask Alex. Ok, so that was more *gross* than *creepy* but oh well.

6. When I am pleased with myself over something I have done, I make this uber creepy laughing sound that *sort of* resembles The Count’s laugh from Sesame Street, but not enough to make it *not* freak people out. For confirmation, you can ask my boss, who says, “What is THAT? Are you just being Creepy?” Yes, yes I am.

5. When I was a kid, I fell in love with all the wrong people in Disney movies, like, all the bad guys. My mom was wicked worried… it creeped her out.

4. I have one eye that squints really hard when I smile so that I look like a pirate – my mouth gets all cooked too – it’s creepy.

3. The toenails on my little toes don’t grow. At All. They haven’t for years.

2. One of my most famous parlor tricks is swallowing a piece of spaghetti that I’m holding and then pulling it back up out of my throat. Oh yeah.  (Hang in there, it’s almost over)

1. Who knows “Sideways Stories from Wayside School“? Anybody? Anybody? I have read this series an inordinate amount of times. It is, by far, the creepiest children’s book series in the history of the Entire World, And I Adored It. Still do.

The End. You’re free. Go roam in the world among those who aren’t as creepy as I.

Andi